Nisai Jinsiyat Aur Mazhabi Muashra

Long ago, I wrote a book titled *Love: Imagination and Reality,* which was based on research about love. My intention was to follow it up with another research-based book titled *Intimacy: Luxury and Necessity,* and then *Marriage: Fulfillment and Hardships.* I even gave a published copy of my first book to Nazir Leghari, and while we were traveling in his car, I informed him about my future plans. His response, while keeping his eyes on the road, was a serious suggestion in his native Seraiki, “Then try to get them included in the intermediate curriculum.” I burst out laughing, and Leghari joined in.

However, I wasn’t offended by this joke. I continued collecting material on sexuality. This is a topic that piques the interest of at least men aged eight to eighty. Therefore, one should not rush when writing about it. As for women, I must mention that back in the 1970s, when renowned sexologist Dr. Nancy Friday began collecting people’s sexual fantasies, even in a liberal and expressive country like the United States, she faced many difficulties because women were reluctant to discuss fantasies, particularly those related to sexuality. There’s no need to elaborate on Eastern countries, especially where strict religious norms dominate every household, particularly for girls and women.

I gathered material but lacked the courage to expose such a topic in my own way. So, I began writing my autobiography, which has been with a publisher for the past eight to ten years. In it, I touch upon sexuality. The arrival of social media has made it a little easier to discuss sexuality with women, as there is no face-to-face interaction. Even in Russia, women hesitate to discuss such matters in person, let alone in a country like Pakistan.

In the beginning, there is usually an expression of distaste, shame, or disinterest in matters of sexuality. Nevertheless, conversations happen, even if people feign reluctance. This approach cannot be called proper research, but it does provide some fundamental insights. While it’s difficult to reach illiterate, less educated, and rural women through social media, there are now two types of women in this discourse. The first category includes educated, working young women who are unmarried, and the second consists of educated married women. Among the first group, there are also two subgroups: those who are more religious but wish to resolve their confusion about sexuality, and those who are relatively liberal but are anxious about choosing a life partner.

With the availability of mobile internet, many young women have watched adult films, whether out of curiosity or pleasure is uncertain, as it is challenging to extract this information. However, one thing is clear: they are aware of sexuality, even if they do not consider all acts depicted in such films to be appropriate. Moreover, they prefer to have a say in choosing their life partners, though, due to belonging to lower-middle or middle-class backgrounds, they are rarely granted this right. Most of these women are approaching their mid-twenties, at which age rational thinking begins to replace emotions. However, many young men consider them to be past the ideal age for marriage. Due to not being chosen, these women often experience sexual frustration, which can lead to depression. Conversely, they develop higher standards for choosing a partner, making it hard to find someone who meets those criteria.

But the most concerning issue is the attitude of educated married women towards sexuality. On the surface, many appear to be leading happy married lives. They have children, husbands, homes, education, and in many cases, even jobs or sources of income. Yet, they are not only ignorant about sexuality but also consider it unimportant. For them, sexual activity is an unwanted act, and sexual conversations are unnecessary. As a result, many women have become sexually indifferent or even frigid, which is a psychological disorder.

The major reasons for this include husbands not engaging their wives mentally in this intimate act and women, due to their religious upbringing, viewing the act merely as a “dirty” process for procreation. Husbands believe that sexual matters should not be openly discussed with their wives because they find such conversations inappropriate, while women think that all men are the same and only care about their own gratification.

In a country like Pakistan, men are given considerable freedom when it comes to sexual matters, from using crude language to engaging in questionable activities discreetly. They vent their frustrations elsewhere and then reluctantly fulfill their marital duties or resort to mistreating their wives, whether through physical or psychological abuse. Men are responsible for not fully involving their wives in the act of love, but they blame their wives when they show disinterest or seek to avoid intimacy. Such behaviors increase women’s disgust and even hatred toward men’s perceived insatiable desires. Consequently, these women cannot guide their daughters in this regard. Eventually, the daughters also become part of this vicious cycle of making their husbands frustrated and being frustrated by them.

In a society where discussing such matters is not restricted by religious, social, or psychological taboos, women could be advised to seek counseling to alleviate this mental deficiency. Counselors could encourage them to participate in the various aspects of intimacy and derive pleasure from it. However, in an environment where this is not possible, the first recommendation should be for legislators to create and implement laws that ensure freedom of expression. Laws should distinguish professional discourse from obscenity so that at least those women who can afford it can benefit from such counseling. Unfortunately, mental health issues are still perceived as madness, and seeking help from a therapist is seen as shameful.

Children continue to be born in abundance because even dogs, cats, and other animals reproduce. For animals, nature has set a specific mating season, but the human species, with no restrictions on the time for such acts, lacks the awareness of how to make this act an act of worship, relaxation, and pleasure, rather than a mere outlet for anger or a cycle of victimhood.